Today I found out that a little boy I know, is terminal with only weeks to live. He is four years old and has had cancer since he was 18 months old. He has suffered most of his life. He doesn’t understand why it hurts.
My mom had Diabetes and eventually lost all feeling in her feet because of the disease. One day she smelt something bad and finally realised that she had a cut under her foot that had gone septic. Because she could not feel pain, the cut had gotten infected and this infection was one of the catalysts that led to her eventual death.
Situations like this make me furious. I want to scream or throw things around. I want to take away the pain. I am powerless. There is nothing that anyone can do.
Physical pain is our bodies’ way of telling us something is wrong. So we take pain pills and treat the symptoms. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for medication but sometimes we need to take a closer look and deal with the cause of the pain.
I wonder if the same counts for emotional pain. We find so many ways to avoid dealing with it. We jump into new relationships without working through the hurt left over from the last one. We drink pills. We become workaholics or control freaks. We pretend that the pain is not there. The list is endless.
Pain is unfortunately part of life and it’s something that every one of us have, at one time or another experienced. Although it is not agreeable, it seems to be a necessary and it seems to have a purpose.
Pain can create opportunities for us. It has created a platform for me from which I can reach others. I have an opportunity to bring hope and maybe change a life or two. It has taken a long time and I have been to hell and back a couple of times. But now I am ready to write about it and tell my stories in the hope that they will somehow bring hope to others.
Pain, like the scars I have previously written about, has shaped me into who I am today. It has taught me that although I can’t always control what happens to me, by large I can control how I respond.
Somebody once told me life is like giving birth. While you are having “contractions” it helps to focus on the fact that the pain will pass and concentrate on the interval that will follow. There is an end goal to the suffering. It is not in vain. It has meaning.
I wish I could state with certainty that I will not have to experience pain again but that’s not how life works. Life is not fair, sometimes it sucks!
I don’t know how long it will take but I am done ignoring the pain. My end goal is healing and wholeness. It’s a journey I am willing to take.